Amanda's three beautiful children
My husband and I recently welcomed our third child into our family, and with her arrival, came a lot of changes. One of those changes was our decision for me to stay home. This was a hard situation for me because, as much as I love my babies and I knew this was the right decision at this point in time for a variety of reasons, I've had a job since I was 15. I never had to depend on anyone else for money...I always had my own. So, to give that up and fully depend on my husband’s income to solely support a family of 5 was scary!
I also always had a jammed packed schedule full of client meetings and deadlines so, while my days are completely full of things to do and demands from tiny little bosses that I had made myself, there is rarely a day that passes where, other than preschool drop off for my oldest, do I have a set schedule of things I need to do.
In order for me not to completely lose myself in my role as a mother, I needed to find things to fill our schedule. My career had always been how I identified myself, so when that went away, I needed to find myself again. I need to redefine who I was.
First, I reconnected with an old passion - writing. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had a blog. It was small. It netted, maybe, 100 readers a post but it kept me occupied on sleepless nights. I stopped doing it once my son got a bit older and life got to be too much. Now that I didn’t have a full time job, I needed an outlet for all of my non-mom energy. And, while I do often write about mom life, the blog became that for me. It gave me a project that was just for me.
Second, I attempted to find other moms that were staying home so I had someone over the age of 2 to talk to all day. One of the hardest things about staying home is that there are full days that go by where the only adult I talk to in person is my husband. This led to me hitting the Starbucks drive-through just to have a brief conversation with another adult. Since I’m not working and, therefore not bringing in any income, the daily Starbucks runs were not the best idea, so this needed to be stopped immediately. I needed to find other adults to talk to than the Starbucks barista. My biggest advice here? Try a lot of groups. “Date” a lot of mom friends. This was hard for me to accept, but you won’t connect with everyone. Just because you have kids the same age doesn’t always mean you’re going to be best friends. That’s okay. You can keep having playdates just to have someone to discuss the most recent Real Housewives episode or you can move on and keep searching for someone you connect with a little better. It’s okay either way.
Third, take care of yourself! Work out. Go on walks. Get massages. It’s easy to get wrapped up in being a mother but giving everything to everyone constantly can get exhausting and it can completely break you down. So, even though there are going to be days where you don’t get out of your jammies, you still need to do at least one thing every day to take care of YOU!
Fourth, don’t forget about your relationship with your significant other. This is important and so easy to let slip when you’re exhausted and covered in baby throw up, but you need this. You need this for yourself and you need this to support your partner. Parenting is so hard. It’s easier when there’s someone else in your corner with you.
Fifth, remember that whether you stay home, you work from home, you work outside the home, you work part time, or you work full time, being a mother is HARD. It’s hard to keep up with everyone’s schedules and lives and homework and doctor’s appointments and school activities. It’s hard to love someone so much more than you’ll ever love yourself. It’s hard to work so hard to, some days, feel so unappreciated. It’s just plain hard. But remembering that we’re all in this together and there’s someone you can reach out to at any point makes it so much easier.
Hi, I'm Amanda. I am a work-from-home mom of three sweet babes under five. After spending years in the corporate world, I decided to switch gears (after having my third baby) and started working from home as the Operations Manager for a national consignment sale franchise and as the Content Creator for RussneyPartyofFive.com. My main goal in life is to raise kind children and I love finding other moms with a similar mindset. I look forward to sharing my learnings and sharing here on Mommy of Minis!